THE COULD-HAVE-BEEN

Life is full of regret. In retrospect, certain reactions to situations might not be admirable. You may regret eating that extra piece of chocolate cake at your sister’s wedding. But, to err is human to forgive, divine. Everyone knows that it is inevitable for human beings to make mistakes , some bigger than others. And so you would have thought that life would be full of regrets. My life is certainly full with regret.

I regret that I did not put real effort for the A-levels exam recently. I am very sure that I do have a tinge of arrogance deep in the recesses of my mind, etched from getting straight A1’s in SPM. That arrogance manifested itself in the form of laziness and a deep conviction that of my brilliance without much effort (baseless, I see it now).

On the 10^th of August recently I received a not-so-brilliant result. Indeed, the regret lies in the knowledge that I could have done so much better in my exams.

I had and still do have I believe, a huge crush on this girl back in college. The identity, unfortunately dear gossip kings and queens shall remain a secret, at least where this blog concerned. I made my infatuation clear to her through actions and presents.

I could never muster enough courage to admit my love for her to her cute face. I bought her presents. I chatted with her whenever the chance came. I asked her to go dinner together etc. the usual clichés that happen when boy meets girl and boy likes girl. You know the drill.

But then, after a long holiday, I heard a news that would break my heart: she was involved with a guy from the same college. Yes. This happened. Initially I felt anger towards her. I thought I was painfully obvious of the fact that I liked her.

But after much contemplation, regret overcame anger. Of course it was not her fault. I could, nay! I should have chased her if I really liked her that much. But I did not. Another regret.

Regret manifests itself in thoughts which entertain what I like to call the “could-have-been”s, which basically means situations which could have been if you did something differently in the past. Sometimes these thoughts attack my mind. Regret will come, then.

IF I was more serious in pursuing her, what would happen?

IF I studied harder, what would happen?